


Make a Wish

by DarkestInfatuations



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Dark, F/M, Graphic Violence, M/M, Manipulation, Murder, Torture, bending of perceived realtiy, dark!fic, dub-con, non-con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-16
Updated: 2013-10-16
Packaged: 2017-12-29 14:38:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1006582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkestInfatuations/pseuds/DarkestInfatuations
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you were given the choice, would you meet the turtles? Be careful what you wish for…</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning

It's not so bad, this freefloat in the void. Not after the first several times you count to one million, try to remember your life from conception to death, and come to terms with the fact you're a floating entity made up entirely of awareness with no mass.  
  
Yes, being hit by the car had been extremely painful… but floating in this space with absolutely no care, no pressure, no anything was nice - and terribly, terribly frightening, all at once.  
  
Had the event with the car even happened? It seemed real enough. My mother screaming out in terror, those few breathless seconds that passed by like eons, the gut-wrenching pure fear of death that had wracked my frame and the blind acceptance as the impact sent me flying had all felt so very real…  
  
"It _was_ real," a voice floated through the darkness; It was neither far nor close, loud nor quiet. The low, gravely voice sounded fairly demonic, but the warm tonality made it feel almost safe. A seemingly pleased color of royal purple exploded in vibrant clouds around me.  
  
My whole body jerked, adrenaline pumping through my body in such a sudden jolt that it felt like I was suffocating.   
  
" _ **Who are you?!**_ " I screamed. I sobbed suddenly in terror; Even though I had screamed as loud as I could, my voice was no louder than a whisper. One of my _worst_ fears…  
  
"Do not fear, child. The ending is only the _beginning_." The voice whispered, sending waves of calming teal to wash over me.   
  
"I'm… dead?" I held my breath in anticipation of his answer.  
  
"In that world, yes." I felt tears sting the eyes that no longer existed, the pain in the same place my heart had been. I should be hysterical, but yet I'm not.  
  
"My friends… my family… will I see them again?" I didn't even bother screaming anymore. He had heard me well enough.  
  
"In time, child, in time. But now, your soul must move on, for it is needed elsewhere."   
"Like… reincarnation?" Great. I would be born back as a _spider_ or equally disgusting for not believing in it.  
  
"Yes dear one, in a completely different universe. We have been so pleased by how short of a time it took you to find yourself, to find truth, that we are giving you a very rare gift." The royal purple came back, seeming to lift me through the never-ending mist.  
  
"A gift?"  
  
"Yes. You will be able to choose what universe you go to, and you shall be plagued with no illness or disease. You shall also be given the gift of immediate life; you will be the same age you died at, along with complete memories of what has passed." A deep, rich orange filled the spaces in between that I recognized as pride.  
  
"An-… Any universe? Will I remember who I am?"  
  
"Yes. Now choose, child. We do not have much time," the deep voice rumbled. I turned inward upon myself, thinking. Where did I want to go? Suddenly, my mind was filled to the brim with thoughts of the Turtles Forever movie – how they had all learned that they existed in several different universes.   
  
"The Ninja Turtles – do they exist?" I suddenly realized that I probably sounded like a nutcase to this supreme being in control of soul reassignment. I get a great gift, and all I want is to meet the Ninja Turtles.  
  
"Yes. I can see you are quite fond of them… you can be sent to one of their universes, if it is what you wish." A bright, vivid green trickled into existence. I couldn't place it, but the color made me wary.  
  
"So… I can really meet them? Be with them?"  
  
The inky darkness first gave no reply, and the color – which had been giving me his/its emotions had disappeared.   
  
" _ **Yes.**_ " For several moments, or eons – I couldn't tell – I was completely silent. Was this another test? Another learning experience?  
  
Silly girl. That's all life is – a learning experience. Suddenly, the purple and orange were dancing again.  
  
"Of course, wise child." I tried to draw breath and sigh, though the action was useless.   
"Yes. That's what I want," I breathed, barely making a sound.   
  
"As you wish. Remember what you have said, and may you ascend." The teal briefly flashed, before it was carried away. I vaguely felt more and more physical sensation, suddenly realizing I once more had a body to call home.  
  
"Thank you," I screamed. Why was I screaming?  
  
Because I was _falling_.   
  
Faster and faster, the dark void passed me. Not only was I falling through space – _through time?_ – I was falling into myself. I jerked, suddenly having full sensation all at once, my soul and my body seeming to connect.   
  
The joy that sprang into my heart was short lived as the roar of the wind passing my head suddenly deafened me, a terrifying lightless crack of thunder making me scream out. My skin was suddenly assaulted by the pricks of thousands and thousands of cold bullets – rain, I remembered vaguely – before I tried in vain to open my eyes. With new fear, I realized I couldn't move my body.   
  
And abruptly, I wasn't falling.  
  
I could faintly hear voices in the background, along with the occasional crack of thunder in the distance. The rain continued to fall onto me, making me stir. The eventual pain in my head and back didn't help. I tried to bring my hand to my face, and even though I succeeded I felt like body was full of lead.  
  
"She's pretty, Leo. Can we keep her?"  
  
 _'Holy fucking shitballs, that voice belonged – no, belongs – to Michelangelo! But… it sounds so… creepy…'_ it that made the hair stand up on the back of my neck. It faintly reminded me of the 'dark turtles' in the Fast Forward series.  
  
"If you can clean up after your own mess this time. You're the one who killed the last one," was the cold and hateful reply from Leonardo.  
  
' _ **….what?**_ '   
  
I blinked desperately, tears pricking my eyes yet again as the most gut-wrenching fear I'd ever felt settled into every fiber of my being. I felt Donatellos' bo nudge my sensitive ribs none to gently and I tried to get away, letting out a soft cry, but my hands managed to slip on the rain-slicked ground beneath me. I felt like a fish struggling to find water again, even though it was drowning all at the same time.  
  
"I didn't appreciate blood contaminating cultures I had painstakingly taken care of, or the hours I wasted sowing its insides back together just for it to die," Donatello snarled coldly.  
  
I gasped as I finally found purchase, backpedaling in utter terror, not caring that I looked desperate to escape.  
  
 _'This isn't the way it's supposed to be. Oh god, what have I done, **what have I done?!**_ '  
  
I eventually backed into a very solid, thick, and muscular set of legs. I jerked my head backwards to see Raphael staring down at me, as silent and unmoving as a statue.  
  
 _'It's all wrong!'_  
  
Instead of warm amber, his eyes were a feral yellow, and his skin was much darker than the rich emerald I had come to love. The primal gleam in his eyes made his red bandanna seem like blood splashed onto his face, the deep scowl set upon it not helping. He was far too tall, well over 6 feet, and it made him seem all the more unreal. The rain passed over his body like a waterfall, seeming to accentuate the copious amount of muscle on it, which only served to make me fall farther into my state of distress. I don't know how long we stared at one another, but I had frozen in fear, my eyes widening and my mouth opening and closing uselessly as if I was gasping for air.  
  
The action seemed to appease him. The utterly pleased, savage smile – if you could call it such – that wiped across his face made my physically ill, and my notice of his _**fangs**_ did not help. He looked up to the others, giving a low growl that I could feel vibrate my internal organs.  
  
"I caught 'er before she could fall off tha buildn'. _She's **mine**_ ," he snarled viciously, straightening his back and baring his teeth.  
  
The others seemed to have no argument, their silence speaking volumes. I heard them all take a few steps back in submission.   
  
He looked back down, 'smiling' again, as he bent over to pick me up. As his massive hands wrapped around my waist, I realized I was shaking hard enough it looked like I was convulsing, little sobs ripping out of my throat.  
  
"Don't worry sweet heart," he rumbled, bringing me to stand against him roughly, shielding me from the rain.  
  
"I'll treat ya' _real_ good," he all but churred. I could feel pieces of me dying. How long had I wanted to be pressed up against Raphael in a similar situation, however damningly psychologically fucked up that may have been? But this… I didn't want this. I suddenly couldn't see anymore, probably some sort of reaction to extreme stress and fear.  
  
I realized the asshole who had sent me here had been playing some kind of sick game. Oh, I would learn my lesson alright. Raphael's dark chuckle seemed to echo the sentiment of the voices' lingering presence.  
  
 _'Be careful what you wish for.'_


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things start to come to light.

A blinding flash of light brought me from my sightless stupor, making me blink several times in rapid   
succession. When I came to myself, I found that the presence of the voice had faded into nothing,   
leaving me empty, and that I was staring into the not-Raphaels eyes.   
  
I was almost instantaneously thrown into hysteria, not understanding why he was leaning over me to   
shield me from the bone-chilling rain…. A sign of… affection? Generosity? _Kindness_? Or was he simply   
making sure I was alive long enough to play with me?  
  
"Shhh, darlin'. S'okay," he murmured gently, moving to wipe the wet hair from my eyes with feather-  
like touches before pulling me even closer, his left hand settling in the small of my back. Another flash   
of light seemed to charge his eyes and make them glow, and it became even more impossible for me   
to look away. I had the dark, suffocating feeling I had always imagined a deer to have when an   
oncoming car approaches. The fact the irises were flat, devoid of any play of light or shadow, only   
made him look all the more animalistic.  
  
 _'Can I trust him? No! No, I-'_ my thoughts were interrupted by a lighter, more airy churr. The confusion   
and abrupt curves of fear, resentment, and hesitant familiarity physically sickened me. However, I   
couldn't deny that he was warm – _**very**_ warm. His touch seemed to scorch me when he let his free   
hand rest on my cheek, stroking the high bone, making me blink.  
  
 _'Why?'_ I wasn't sure whether I was shaking because of the cold, the fall from the adrenaline high, or   
the fear still coursing through me like ice.   
  
_'Perhaps a deadly concoction of all them.'_  
  
He broke the staring match, still unblinking, to look at the other turtles.   
  
"I'm headn' back." The gruff, dark voice made a particularly violent shiver course through my half   
numb body. Before I could protest, his hands were gripping my ass a bit too roughly and hoisting me   
up to set my weight comfortably against the flat expanse of his bridge. As hard as I tried, I couldn't get   
words to form, and my attempts to tell him to stop were nothing more than strangled whimpers and   
whines.   
  
_'What the hell?! You're not some helpless fucking maiden! **Fight back!'**_  
  
For some reason, my body couldn't answer my minds plea.  
  
He settled my weight on his forearm, turned and began the trek back to what I assumed would be the lair. I was utterly amazed to find he   
had absolutely no problem carrying all of my weight with one arm. Looking back, the stares of the   
others made me feel even more like prey that had fallen into the hands of predators; predators that   
preferred to play with their meal before they ate it. My guts twisted in fear of the unknown, and my   
hands found purchase in the rim of his plastron, stuck snuggly between the keratin covered bone and   
the warm, soft skin hidden beneath.   
  
It made me feel oddly, and falsely, safe.  
  
Averting my eyes from their fading stares, I tucked my head against his large trap muscle, letting my   
eyes fall shut.  
  
 _'I might as well enjoy the last minutes of… freedom? As if I ever had it. As if anyone ever had it, if life is  
a giant mind game…' _  
  
I was pumped by a new rush of adrenaline as I felt us falling, then the impact of his landing. The   
amount of grace, of pure power in is frame only added more fuel to the rush. I dug my hands harder   
into the crevice I had found, squeezing my eyes shut, trying to even out my breathing. He gave a low   
rumble, pressing me closer with his arm. His arm-seat was pressing me – _my twat more specifically_ –   
against the raised ridge between plastron and bridge rather harshly. My eyes opened but I couldn't   
bring myself to look into his eyes.  
  
It's funny. I had tried to imagine my reaction to any sort of similar situation before, and I had always   
thought I would've just simply punched the attacker in the face and run, even if only to die by my own   
volition and not that of the attacker.  
  
 _'I guess it's not that simple.'_  
  
"Easy girl… that's sensitive," he said lowly, letting the last syllables fade off into a darker, more   
suggestive churr as he resumed walking to an undisclosed location. His sauntering gait caused me to   
rub against him, not helping my frayed emotions. Discreetly, I tried to shift my weight, sighing with   
relief when I succeeded. I didn't even bother trying to memorize my surroundings; I would never get   
away.   
  
_'I'll always be trapped.'_ The solid arm my body was seated on did nothing but confirm this thought.   
Each passing building was only grayer than the next, and as every skyscraper in the distanced moved   
from my sight another one would just as quickly take its place. Everything was grey. Everything was   
dark. And even if I could get away, I would be utterly lost.  
  
 _'Everything's the same…'_  
  
I tried to let my mind drift back to the timeless haze it had been in that black void, barren of any   
concept of time or emotion. Just as I hit the mental wall, I suddenly saw Raphael; the true Raphael.   
And as he would speak soundless words, time slowed; when he went to blink, he smiled - showing   
hidden fangs - and yellow replaced the amber spheres as his eyelids raised, a permanent shadow   
casting his beautiful emerald skin into the darkness.  
  
Physically jerking out of the dream – _hallucination?_ – I tried to get a grip on my mind. Perhaps what   
had really been savoring was the last meager helpings of my sanity.  
  
I turned my head slightly, gazing at the dark flesh and pale plastron my purple-red fingers were   
wedged between, trying to forget it all. The situation, my mistake, the way everything I'd ever known   
had been ripped from me. It was easy enough to focus on the raindrops that fell so beautifully across his chest. I heard a sewer lid lifting, and looked up ever so slightly to watch our   
descent into the darkness of the sewers.   
  
The smell hit me in tidal waves; it reeked of waste and rotting things, probably flesh. The walls – made primarily of   
concrete and slimy, algae covered brick – were probably helping the morose smell to ferment down in   
this shithole. I moved to wrap my hands around his solid neck as he climbed down, the grip on the   
attached bone of this chest no longer enough.  
  
I must've lost concept of time for a short while due to the smell, because he hit the bottom of the long   
stair rails fairly quickly. With a apprehension I noticed we were standing upon a ledge in the middle of a   
fast flowing river of sewage; On the other side of the tunnel, I could barely make the outline of   
another ledge and an open archway in the dim light. Glancing down at the rushing water again, I tried   
to judge its speed, but found that I couldn't make my eyes focus on any object I found whizzing by.   
Point taken; it was _way_ too fast to swim in.  
  
He turned, leaving me to face the stairs, his muscles tensing in preparation of the jump. I wrapped my   
arms around him as tightly as I could, shutting my eyes, and before I could think about it any farther   
we were flying through the air, and landing solidly on the other platform at a crouch. After a few   
seconds I let the tension release enough for me to open my eyes. There must have been   
movement sensors down here, because suddenly low-intensity lights illuminated the large mutants   
frame and the solid ground we had safely landed on.  
  
He stood quickly, and as he walked forward I glanced back quickly at the large gap that we just crossed   
over his shoulder. The water was just as fast as before, and green. It escaped me how he landed   
without slipping; the entire slab of concrete was covered in slime and water. Even if I could manage to   
get a running start without slipping, I'd never make the jump across. And I couldn't swim it.  
  
 _'I'll never get out alive.'_  
  
The finality of the thought made me reach out to grab the rim of his carapace, squeezing in anxiety.   
  
_'They probably live in some cesspool carved into the rock. They eat people like me, people they rape  
and torture them before they eat them alive. Like fucking animals. What the fuck-'_  
  
My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of grating stone. I turned my head to tuck it under his   
chin and look at 9th ring of hell I'd been thrown into, giving a quiet gasp.  
  
Before me was the lair, much as it had been depicted in the 2k3 cartoons, only… darker. It was   
spacious, furnished, clean, and by all means completely normal looking other than a strange deficit of   
light and color.  
  
 _'They're fucking sociopaths. **Sociopaths.**_ '  
  
I tried to memorize the layout, find somewhere to hide, but he didn't pause for me to get a good look   
at anything. His strides were quick and meaningful, taking us across the space in a small amount of   
time. I tried to bury my face in his neck, if only to find some sort of superficial comfort in the warmth.   
  
_'There's nothing I can do. They're stronger, smarter. **Sociopaths**_ _. I'm gonna die here.'_ I vaguely noticed   
the jostle of walking up a few stairs, the muscles rippling beneath me not enough to entirely distract   
me from my dawning realization.  
  
 _ **'I'm going to die here.'**_  
  
I started to cry yet again, before the silence he had made was broken by a   
harsh breath I loosely recognized as my own. His head put pressure against my own in a sort of   
embrace as the shivering only worsened.  
  
Before I could try to form words, to beg for my life, he had set me down gently on some sort of hard   
surface. Anything to keep from looking in his eyes, I glanced around us, recognizing it was a bathroom.   
The walls, the large shower, the toilet – nearly everything in the room was _white_. Soft lights gave it a   
slightly euphoric and dream like quality, and his silence didn't help, allowing my thoughts to wonder. I   
wrapped my hands around my body, for comfort or warmth I don't know.   
  
_'Maybe none of this is real. Maybe it's all a dream, part of my reception of the world in a coma…'_  
  
However mind boggling these thoughts were, the slow, deliberate movements of Raphael peeling off   
his soaking gear made me watch him. Even though his eyes were not on me, I could feel his awareness   
of my every move prickling along my own consciousness. He could probably hear me _thinking_. I   
couldn't help but appreciate his form as he moved; seeing him in front of me was fascinating.  
  
Until I remembered he was a serial killer.  
  
 _ **'I wish I would wake up.'**_  
  
A sickening "shink" resounding in the small space; I watched with avid horror as he twirled the sai   
easily in his hands. When the motion stopped, I could see the ends of them were sharpened, gleaming   
in the light. He walked forward, setting them well within my reach on the counter silently. My eyes   
never left the twin blades.  
  
"Not thinkin' about usin' them on me, are ya?" His voice filled the smaller space completely, seeming   
to surround me, making a shiver run down every bone in my body. It sounded ironically like the voice   
in the void, mocking me with its' dark, evil sweetness.  
  
"N-n-nnn-no. I d-d-don't know hh-how to use t-them," I said shakily, trying to keep my voice level,   
but it was no use. Between the cold and fear it made no difference.  
  
"It w-wouldn't make a-a differ-erence anyway." He gave a short and deep rumble, apparently   
pleased with my answer. His stance relaxed and he looked up to me, once again trapping me. He made   
a show of pulling his bandanna off, staring at me the entire time he did it, throwing it on the floor   
somewhere behind him before standing in silence for a few more moments as we stared at one   
another.  
  
"Come 'ere," he churred.   
  
Scared shitless, I slipped off the edge of the counter and managed to break his gaze, every movement   
I made making me ache profusely from the cold. I was shaking even harder as I took small steps until I stood an arms length in   
front of him; I could feel his eyes on me still, burning me with their heat. He took a small step forward himself,   
embracing me gently, but I put my arms between his plastron and my chest, desperate for a barrier to   
be between us.  
  
I had started to calm down somewhat at the contact before he began to pull my shirt over my head. I   
made a desperate grab for the bottom, but my fingers missed their target as he pulled it higher.  
  
"Raph, W-what, what're you _d-doing_?!" he pulled me against him a little roughly, pulling the rest of it   
off before I could protest or struggle further.  
  
"Yer not sleepin' in my bed bein' this filthy," he said lowly, dragging his fingertips up my spine till he   
reached my bra.  
  
"N-no! I don't even k-know you!" I pushed against him with all the strength I had left, but my arms   
easily crumpled when he crushed me against him, making me suck in air in short gasps. Suddenly his   
face was so close to mine it felt like his breath was kissing me.   
  
"Then how do ya know my name?"  
  
I froze, realization sweeping over me at the mistake I had made. The mistake that might cost me my   
life. I slowly returned my eyes to his, trying to beg him not to go off the panhandle and kill me without   
words.  
  
"S'what I thought," he whispered before I felt the bra come undone and him pulling it away. I tried   
desperately to cover my exposed flesh, but it only gave him the opportunity to start to divest me of   
the rest of my clothing.  
  
 _'Do something! Scream, say no, hit him!'_  
  
My thoughts of retaliation went in vain. He was sickeningly considerate, making sure I never lost   
balance or fell as he striped me, seeing that I didn't so much as have to move. As he pulled down the   
last barrier between our naked bodies, all I could do was whimper and try to cover as much of my   
exposed flesh as possible.  
  
"I knew ya were a virgin," he chuckled, the 'smile' returning to his face as he stepped back to survey   
his prize. I could feel his eyes on me, like they were hands. I knew I was no longer shaking from the cold.  
  
 __ **'Were?'**


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And we fall further down the rabbit hole...

"W-what? _**How….**_?" His smile changed to a knowing one as he stepped forward again, invading my personal space.  
  
"Yer tryin' so hard to cover up yer gorgeous body, Gets me riled knowin' I'm tha first one ta see it…" He came further forward, twisting his head to bury his face in my neck. I took a step backwards to evade his touch, but before my foot even hit the ground he crushed me to him once again, forcing the air out of my lungs.  
  
"I can make this real good fer ya, Doll. I can love ya like nobody else…" Before I could form words, his beak was in the crook of my neck, his breath dancing a dangerous path across the skin over my collar bone, making goose bumps trickle across my skin. His words had been sweet and soft, but I could feel the tension building in his chest before he began to growl.  
  
"I guess if that's not good 'nough for ya, I can give ya ta one of tha others. They won't keep ya very long," The residual vibration from his dark statement only served to make me shake yet again. He moved to whisper in my ear, one of his hands falling to the small of my back to press me closer.  
  
"Donnie'll take good care of ya, up until he decides he likes lookin' at yer corpse more. Mikey'll fuck ya until ya die of exhaustion or blood loss and Leo…" He chuckled darkly.  
  
"Well Leo likes ta see how long ya can take tha pain he inflicts fore' ya kill yerself."   
  
I started to gasp irregularly for air again, tears slipping down my face. So my choices were to be used by Raphael, used and killed by Donatello and Michelangelo, or tortured by Leonardo?  
  
 _'Who said Raphael wasn't going to kill me? Even if he does say that, what's to say he's not lying?'_  
  
He released the pressure only to wrap his steely arms around me in a hug, forcing my head to lie upon the softer skin of his chest. The skin of my thighs rubbed against his, and I couldn't help but gasp at the contact. I was disgusted at the reaction but… he was right. I _am_ a virgin and my mind was having a hard time dealing with the situation.  
  
 _'He hasn't hurt me… maybe he's not actually that bad.'_  
  
 _He just stripped you naked against your will after he kidnapped you and made the insinuation he was going to deflower you,_ my mind supplied.  
  
"I'm not gonna hurt ya, babe. Sides' any've that… I can smell just how much ya like me," he rumbled, wrapping his hands around my waist and carrying me into the already-running shower with him.  
  
 _'When in the Hell did he turn it on?!'_  
  
His rumble was quieter, but by no means did it stop. I tried to listen to the sound of it and ignore the situation, and succeeded until the hot water hit my skin, burning my cold extremities – but it felt so good. He gently set me down, washing me with tender, soft touches. I couldn't overcome my confusion about his wildly swinging behaviour or his gentle touches to think of anything else.   
  
At some point, he pulled me close enough so that I could lay my head on his shoulder, which is what I did. The events of today coupled with this soap-slicked hands all over me were beginning to be too much for me to handle. I could feel my breath quickening, so I closed my eyes and began to count.  
  
When every touch, every phantom gust of air his movements created made my skin tingle, I realized that closing my eyes was not a good idea. I opened them, darting my gaze around, desperate for something to fixate on as I imagined I was somewhere else. Looking down, I noticed the interesting texture of his of plastron, choosing to stare at it.   
  
However, even as hard as I tried to detach my body and my mind, I felt his hands touch me – _primarily exploring me, I noted with horror_ – and I couldn't help but jerking around in his grip as the pads of his thumbs crossed over my nipples.  
  
 _'You are not Raphael,'_ I thought venomously.  
  
He chuckled in amusement, the sick fucking piece of shit. I stumbled forward as he crouched abruptly before I could try to back away, running his hands down my sides. I steadied myself by holding onto his shoulders, looking down at him to find he was staring at me again, and I was horrified in the thought that he was actually going to mouth all over my breasts.  
  
I noticed a dangerous smile forming, and as I opened my mouth to say 'No' his arms wrapped around my legs before he shoved his large hands between my thighs. I tried to shove them together instantaneously, but it did about as much good as trying to displace the salt in the ocean by pouring in a glass of tap water. His grin only widened as he gently and ever so slowly dragged his hands up the insides of my thighs, stopping just short of touching me.   
  
" _Please_ ," I whimpered. I was trying so hard to clamp my legs together they were trembling, my grip on the muscles of his shoulders making my knuckles go white.  
  
"Please, what?" the grin never faded and it made me feel more helpless with each passing second.   
  
"Please, _don't…_ " I couldn't say it. For all the things I'd done, for how brave I could be, I couldn't say it.  
  
"Don't throw ya to tha others, or start foreplay?" My mouth opened at his brash, too-confident statement.  
  
"Both…" I whispered. He chuckled suddenly, giving my inner thighs what I assumed to be a reassuring squeeze.  
  
"Yer honest; I like that. I didn' have any intentions of doin' anythin' tonight. C'mon…" he gave me that same sickeningly sweet smile that made his eyes look out of place, as if the top and bottom halves of his face had been sown together for some kind of absurd joke.  
  
"Trust me."  
  
I knew, deep down, I couldn't. Yes, he was Raph; but, not the real Raph.  
  
 _'What sense does that make?'_  
  
None, I knew. I could feel, sense somewhere deep within me I couldn't trust him. But what choice did I have? I could either give him what he wanted and hope that he was gentle and considerate as he'd already been, or fight him and have him still get what he wants, in what I suspected would be a thoughtless fury. Besides… he was my favorite turtle. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.  
  
 _'Yeah. Just relax…'_  
  
I eventually gave in, sighing as I forced my thigh muscles to unclench, though the grip on his shoulders only tightened. His smile turned wider, showing off his mouth full of incisors. His hands slipped upward, sticking to the nook my legs and body made.  
  
He really didn't touch me.  
  
"See, you can trust me," he rumbled, continuing a path around my ass and up my back. I nodded dumbly, watching him stand and look down at me.   
  
"Go ahead n' rinse off, if ya want."   
  
I was surprised when his hands left me and he turned to wash himself quickly, even taking his eyes off me. Though just like before, I could tell he was fully aware of my every move. I kept my eyes on or around him warily as I rinsed, trying to hide my body again.   
  
I had once more lost track of time and what he was doing; I often had a way of staring into space. The next thing I felt was him drying me off, his touch still so much more gentle than his body seemed capable of. Once he was finished, he wrapped me in the towel, picking me up. I was now beyond confused. I couldn't think straight and I knew the only thing that would help me was sleep.  
  
 _'Or death. Any sort of reprieve from this situation…'  
  
But it's not safe to sleep_, my mind reminded me. I couldn't help it, I would have to sleep soon. My eyes were already drooping and I felt drugged.  
  
The startlingly cold air in the lair felt like it sucked every bit of the warmth I had found out of my body. His stride was lazy, confident, and he was still so damn warm. The melodic beat of his walk, the gentle sway only made my eyes droop again.   
  
_'Wait. He's a reptile. Why is he warm?!'_ I stopped trying to ponder, instead turning my head to look at the lair and try to memorize it, mentally slapping myself awake. I knew if anything happened, I would hav-  
  
"C'mon, Raph! Don't ya wanna share, bro?" the cynical comment made me cry out as I jerked so hard Raphael paused to crush me against him. I scrambled to find purchase, eventually clinging to the rim of his plastron again, looking behind me to where Michelangelo was standing in the doorframe.  
  
There was nothing cheery or cute about him, nothing at _**all**_. His skin was a much darker color than I was used to; somewhat similar to a mould that I had found growing in one of my experiments during the lab one time, a blackish teal-green. He was probably right at 6 feet, and again much more heavily muscled than the Mikey I knew – though much thinner and shorter than this worlds Raphael. His eyes – which scared me more than anything else – were the lightest shade of ice blue I had seen in my life, so near to white I had to squint to make sure they weren't in the low light. The amount of hate, of pure venom in them made me grip to Raphael even tighter.  
  
"Go fuck yerself, Mike. She's **mine**. _Only **mine**_ ," Raph snapped, continuing on his path to wherever he had decided for us to go, hopefully far away from the other turtles and behind a locked door. I gazed over his shoulder, watching "Mike" cross his arms in front of his narrower chest, a scowl on his face. Leonardo quietly walked out of the shadow to watch us leave.  
  
While he didn't unnerve me like Michelangelo did, he was not easy to look at and think of Leonardo. His strange, dull, pallid orange eyes were cold as he stared me down. His skin had the same tonality I recognized, but it too was ultimately much darker than it should've been. From what I remembered of Donatello, I made a guess that he was the second physically strongest of the turtles, and the second tallest. Just like Leonardo should have, he kept his eyes devoid of emotion.  
  
 _'Why are they all so big?'_ I couldn't have come up with a good answer anyway, my mind so frayed from the need for sleep and sudden fear.  
  
"Asshole… Why's he picking one now?" I could barely make out Michelangelo's whiny words, but I strained to catch anything of importance.  
  
"Because he can see that she knows who we are… or who some other doppelgangers are. He thinks she'll give him what he wants…" A look of confusion crossed Michelangelo's' face, while I could see some form of anger bleed into Leonardo's eyes finally.   
  
_'What he wants? What **does**_ _he want? Why would I need to recognize him?_ ' I tried to make a mental note to think about it sometime when I had the mental capacity to do so with any sort of beneficial end.  
  
I tucked my head again, unable to care about much else after their stares ended. The others were gone, and I let his warmth and the gentle rocking motion calm me. I knew it was an awful thing to succumb to, but his arms wrapped around me made me feel safe. So _very_ safe.  
  
But I wasn't safe. I knew it just as sure as I knew the sky was blue.  
  
The jostle of him going up stares made me a bit more awake, as did the sound of a door opening quietly. He stepped inside the dark place, and I was momentarily stunned by the smell. It was a wonderful, musky, undeniably masculine scent. I couldn't help but sniff the air, taking in more of it. He chuckled, and I felt my anger flare.   
  
_'Why does he always have to know what I'm doing?'_  
  
A single, warm light turned on, and I was surprised by the room. It was a bedroom, strangely clean, and fairly spacious. Though the few furnishings and dark brick walls made it feel like a cellar, it was obviously Raphael's reprieve; I could make out a pull-up bar and weights in the furthest corner of the room. He set me down gently, but let his hands linger a little longer than I liked. I felt his heat recede and heard the click of the door locking.  
  
Yes, he'd been nice.   
  
_'But now we are alone, in his bedroom, without any clothes.'_ I suddenly felt much more awake. I barely heard a airy rumble before he brushed my arm as he sauntered by, moving to stand near the bed before he turned to look at me appreciatively.  
  
"Ya' gonna join me er' stare at me?" He gave a lascivious grin, turning before I could do anything. I watched him numbly as threw back the covers and crawled in.  
  
Nope, I didn't look at his ass.   
  
I averted my eyes, staring at the floor. I didn't want this, not with him. I also didn't want all the stupid thoughts running through my mind, I didn't want the way he made me feel – no, my body feel. Not now.  
  
"M' ready fer ya," I looked up again, to see him lying partially on his shell, stretched out in the warm light, one arm comfortably supporting his weight.. I couldn't help but love the way it fell over him, making him look like some sort of god carved out of marble. It made his skin look more emerald, his eyes a little more gold.   
  
"C'mon, babe. I know yer cold an' tired." I looked into his eyes, which looked sincere.  
  
"Yer safe with me." Again, I didn't really have any logical choice but to give in; make sacrifices now for the greater good of tomorrow. I walked forward slowly, pausing in front of the bed, gripping the towel in my hands. I looked up at him, trying to find the courage to drop the material. His eyes did encourage me, but I just gripped it tighter, my breaths picking up pace again.  
  
 _'I don't want to be here.'_ He reached across the bed, caressing one of my hands softly. Something about it made my grip soften.   
  
"Trust me," He whispered. I had nothing left to turn to, nobody else to lean on. I could try to rely on my own strength, but I knew it would lead to nothing but heartbreak, having been displaced from everything I knew so fast. I was strong, but I knew the limits of my mind.  
  
I heaved a small sigh, letting the fabric drop from my body. He almost instantaneously gave a rumbling sigh himself, barely wrapping his hand around my own. I got into the bed as fast as I could, and as I went to cover myself he pulled me against him.  
  
"I know yer tired," he sighed, "but I want to know more about ya." On the bed now, the scent was almost suffocating – in the best sort of way. It wasn't thick, but just everywhere, somewhat heady. The heat radiating off him didn't help. He moved to lie down completely, slipping his arm beneath my head as he pulled my arm over his side in a sort of forced embrace, running his hand back up my arm.  
  
"Okay," I said quietly.  
  
"What's yer name?" I was having a hard time thinking with him rubbing my back with those damnably large hands, but I realized I didn't want him to know my real name. My original name. But if I used a different first name I would slip up sooner or later…  
  
"Adrianna…. Adrianna Sylvi Bakker." Accessing the false memories was too odd for words. It was as if they were in greyscale, whispered to me by strange voices.   
  
"S' a beautiful name… suites ya." He reached up to run his hands through my hair. I noticed my jaw was clenched, and I struggled to find something to say. The closer I could keep myself to normal, the less he'd try to pull on me.   
  
_'Keep it together.'_  
  
"I'd ask your name, but I already know it…" he shifted and I could feel his eyes on me as he titled my head back gently to lock our gazes. It was strange and oddly intimate to see him without a mask.  
  
"How do ya know? 'Bout me." I was immediately confused. I expected him to hide all emotion from our interactions, but I could plainly hear the curiosity in his voice and see it in his eyes.  
  
"Well… you didn't exist. You were fictional… I just happened to like the movies and things you were in. But you're… very different from them," I managed to keep my voice level. I felt the same drive to cry again, but I must have run out of fluids to leak because no tears came after my eyes began to burn.  
  
It was best not to let him know I'd been one of those crazy fan girls with every piece of TMNT paraphernalia that existed.  
  
The same lascivious smile sprung into existence again, and his eyes almost began to glow.   
  
"In what way?" I could practically feel the air charging with his sexual intensity. The fact it was directed at me was not something I was comfortable with.  
  
"They protected the city, the world. The universe… and they were younger, looked different. You're a lot taller, stronger. Bigger." He gave a dark chuckle, wrapping his arms around me and pulled me up, dragging my body against him.  
  
"So do we. Who do ya think saved ya from tha foot ninjas?" He rolled us over so he was leaning over me, staring down with an intensity a human gaze shouldn't have. I went to push against him as he leaned down, but he didn't seem to notice or care. His mouth was on my neck, touching my pulse, before I could even think about it.   
  
"And ya' don't have a _clue_ yet." He said lowly, and I couldn't help but whimper every time his lips dragged across the extremely sensitive flesh. His breath was hot, and wet, and completely unbearable.  
  
"Raph, _please_ , I _**don't**_ -" My plea was cut short by his tongue making contact with the skin, licking all the way up to my earlobe. I shivered, taking a small, shaking gasp as I did.  
  
"Mmmyes?" he churred in my ear, slipping one of his hands around the small of my back slyly.   
  
I suddenly realized with disgust that I was _panting_.  
  
"M'sorry, darlin', I didn't mean ta get ya riled up…. Just can't help m'self." he whispered sweetly, moving back to gaze at me.   
  
' _Did Raphael just **apologize?!**_ _He's not Raph, not Raphie at ALL!_ ' I had begun to scream inside my head, wondering why he would do such a ludicrous thing. My mind supplied the obvious answer – he's probably trying to mind fuck me.  
  
It didn't matter; nobody had been able to mind fuck me before, right?   
  
"It's… It's okay. Why did you," I paused to think about how to say it without upsetting him, "why did you save me from Michelangelo? Why did you pick me?" His gaze didn't change, nor did he move. But he seemed to think about the question before answering.  
  
"Yer beautiful. And I could tell ya were attracted ta me… lookin' up at me with yer gorgeous hazel eyes. N' yer scent says 'nough," He said, getting a dreamy look in his eyes as me leaned down to scent my hair.  
  
 _'I don't think I buy that.'_ I shivered again, closing my eyes for a few seconds to get a grip on the fear that had quelled up again at the thought of how truly alone I was. I felt him shift, and I opened my eyes, when he rolled us over to lay me atop his plastron. It wasn't the most comfortable position in the world to sleep in but it was a relatively smooth surface. I laid my head upon his chest, and the beat of his heart reminded me of the sound of drums beating a war rally. The sound was wild and deep. Even his _heart_ exuded strength.  
  
"It's okay, I promise babe. I'll protect ya from anyone who dares to touch ya… nobodies' gonna dare fuck with me." He wrapped his hands around me, and the very slight rise and fall of his chest made me a little more drowsy.  
  
"Can I call you Red?"   
  
I could mildly feel his confusion, but my eyes were already starting to drift shut, blocking it from actually mattering. All I knew was that I was not going to associate Raphael with this monster. I felt his hand moving to cradle my head, a deep contented rumble making me relax even further.  
  
"Anything ya want."  
  
I barely registered his response before my eyes closed, lulling me back into the void.  
  
 _'I wish I could call you Raphael.'_


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Background?!

  
_"Where should we go next?" I turned to look at my mother carrying the bags down the side walk, snow falling around us. Christmas was practically in the air, thick enough you could feel the warm glow of cider in your tummy._

_Mmmm, cider._

_Her blue eyes were twinkling with happiness. I was relatively healthy for the first time in my dwindling childhood, out of the house for the first time in weeks. The air was so fresh, the sun so bright and warm; it felt nice to stretch my legs in the wonderful atmosphere._

_"I dunno, how about Maurices? They have some pretty jeans and shirts, usually in my size." The clicking of my boots on the sidewalk was such a nice sound. The "walk now" light was green, so we made our way across the street with a few other pedestrians. It wasn't that long until Christmas, just a week or two, and-_

_"ADRIANNA!"_

_I turned to my mother with a spine-twisting jerk, immediately fearing the worst. Seeing her look of pure fear, eyes wide and mouth agape, caused a cold chill to run through me. I followed her gaze, turning again to my left._

_All I could see was a flash of red as the car hurled toward me._

_**'I'm gonna die.'** _

 

**-~****~-**

 

I jerked awake and gasped for breath, my hands immediately throwing back the covers to make sure my body was intact. My quick glance confirmed it was, as did the received command to wiggle my toes.

_'Where in the hell did that nightmare come from?'_

I yawned groggily, rubbing my face. I'd probably slept in and was beyond late for the horses morning feeding; Orion was always mouthy when I was late. I strained to open my eyes again, looking down to my legs. There were slight bruises on the outside of my thighs, they looked like… two fingered hands?

_'What the fuck?'_

Suddenly, memories flashed through my mind. Getting hit, the void, being atop the building, then 'Raphael' bringing me to the lair, the shower, going to sleep atop him. Bile rose in the back of my throat at the memories and the wild swings of emotion. Maybe it was a dream, I'm just at Maries house-

I looked further up my body. No, I was naked – I hated being naked. Just to be sure, I sniffed the air; the scent I noticed last night was there. Tears welled in my eyes, but I forced them down somehow. Throwing the cover back over my bare body quickly, I glanced around looking for the turtle I'd gone to bed with. He wasn't on the bed or in the room watching me, as I was expecting. Where the hell could Raphael be?

_'No. His name is Red now…'_

The barely formed thoughts from last night came to me, as did our short conversation. It was for the best to disassociate him with Raphael; as far as I was concerned, he didn't deserve the name.

The angry thoughts didn't do anything to help my mental state, so I tried to think of something else. Like, what I was supposed to do with my time until he came to get me. I didn't have much time to think about it before my bladder let me know how dire the situation was.

_'I need to piss… but it's not safe to go out… it's not like I can just piss in a corner of the room like a dog.'_

Yes, I'd piss on myself before long. But I really didn't want to go outside the room, possibly facing any of the turtles or god forbid, LH. If they are what they are, what would he be? I was fairly sure I hadn't even witnessed their full capacity for evil yet.

And beyond any of that, I had no clothes to put on.

_'Fuck it. I'm not pissing myself.'_

I scooted over to the edge, shivering a bit when the cold air ghosted across my skin as I stood from the warm bed. Turning, I pulled out the top sheet, wrapping it around me as many times as I could.

_'Look like some kind of slave in this…'_

But again, my bladder reminded me it didn't matter. I padded forward, the floor no more than ice beneath my feet as I took in the atmosphere of the room. In this better state of mind, it looked no different than it did last night; still a dungeon, the dark wood door only enhancing the feel. The rustling of the sheet on the floor and my own shaky breaths were disturbingly loud in the silent space as my hand reached for the door, the creak and clicks of the knob as I turned it making my apprehension all the more suffocating.

I slowly pulled the door open, and the sight of the empty lair was reassuring. No giant, dark, evil ninja turtles in the living room, staring at the door, waiting for me to make an appearance.

_'It's dangerous to assume but I suppose they're training…'_

It didn't matter how long I stood there in fear; the situation would get no better and I had to piss now. I turned to the right, seeing the stairs, and began to tip toe down them as silently as possible. I looked around as I descended into the main level, where I assumed the lab, the kitchen, and maybe the garage lift would be, as well as the bathroom. I looked around, and found what I thought was the door to it. Reaching the bottom of the stairs, it was straight ahead of me.

_'It's not exactly like the 2k3 toons… just similar in initial appearance…'_

The last bits of familiarity being sucked out of me made me feel even more jumpy and cautious. I started to walk forward at a slow pace, eying the large doorframe to the right of me. No lights were on inside the room, so I ignored it and looked to the rest of the living room, watching the other doors for any signs of movement. My heart was thundering so hard I could barely hear my own breath any more.

_'Maybe I'll just suffocate myself befor-'_

"The bathroom is straight ahead of you."

The sudden interjection from the supposedly vacant room made me jump, drawing in a breath so fast I squeaked as my fingers gripped onto the sheet for dear life. Viciously turning to look in the dark room, I saw Donatello seated at the end of the dining table to the left, a paper in one hand and his cup of coffee in the other. Something about the empty look in his unnatural black eyes and the strange situation made fear swell up in my chest, my mind screaming 'run' to every fiber of my being. His skin, like all the others, was far too dark - closer to a true shade of olive. My calculations the other night were true, as he was the third physically strongest so far as I could tell. However, the look in his eyes told me that he was indeed the most intelligent - possibly, the most dangerous.

His gaze seemed to be cool and collected, never once falling from that apathetic look. My thoughts from last night slowly came back to me.

_'Act normal.'_

"Uhm," I cleared my throat, trying to make my voice box work.

"Thank you," I said shakily. A strange, emotionless smile passed across his lips.

"You're welcome," he said lightly before turning back to his paper. I stared at him for a few more seconds before practically running for the bathroom. I slowed my pace, glancing around inside of it before I entered. Any of them pissing was the last thing I wanted to come upon.

I closed and locked the door behind me, turning to the room. I suddenly had the irrational fear that there were cameras set up to watch me pissing or worse.

_'Or it's fucking booby trapped…'_

I stared at every item inside the sparsely furnished place, including the shower head and the medicine cabinet above the counter that I had been sitting on just the night before. I began to breathe irregularly, and decided to assuage my absurd fears. I grabbed the toilet paper, and walked around the room, covering the suspicious objects and sticking wet toilet paper to the front of the mirror of the cabinet. Finally done, I waddled over and inspected the toilet bowl. Satisfied that there were no cameras or giant needles to poke me in the ass, I finally sat down and let the flood gates open.

Sweet jesus it was _**amazing.**_

After the hysteria had passed from imminently pissing on myself, I gazed around the room. There were strands of toilet paper strewn about almost every surface except the floor.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I finished my business and then went around the bathroom removing the paper, doing a double check so they wouldn't suspect me of any sort of suspicious behavior.

_'I hope it actually flushes…'_

Flushing the toilet, I decided to try to get past Donatello without him noticing. I could just wait for Raphael to come get me in his room, anyway. I opened the door, walking straight into a large obstacle; I closed my eyes and tried to back away, hoping not to upset whoever I'd walked into.

Gasping, I immediately struggled as thick arms wrapped around me, pulling me flush against a plastron.

"Babe, s'okay." I looked up, noticing with strange relief it was Raphael.

_'His name is Red now, dammit!'_

"I, I'm sorry. I had to piss…." I stared into his eyes, hoping I hadn't violated some unspoken rule. He gave a strangely sad smile, cradling the back of my head.

_'I don't understand what about him makes me feel so submissive… it's not like me.'_

"S'okay. I just didn' want ya ta be alone is all. Ya didn't do anythin' wrong," he said quietly, running his fingers through my wavy bedhead. He must've been fascinated by the softness because he fiddled with it for several more seconds, smiling to himself.

"Are ya hungry?" At the mere mention of food my stomach growled so loudly I'm fairly sure Donatello could hear it. He smiled warmly, moving to the side and taking my hand as my unoccupied one went to grasp the sheet tighter.

"C'mon. I'll make ya somethin'," he said, walking back toward the kitchen. I numbly followed, again confused by his gentle and loving mannerisms. He even intertwined his fingers with mine, his grip softer than sweetly whispered nothings.

Before I could say anything else, he drug me into the kitchen. The lights had been turned on and it was fairly modern with stainless steel appliances and a table large enough to seat 6, only managing to add to my confusion. In fact, the whole lair appeared fairly modern, now that I had been able to look at it in a better state of mind.

"Wattaya want, darlin'?" He led me over to sit across from Donatello. I took the seat numbly, trying to pull my makeshift dress up a little higher.

"Um…"

_'Be normal Adrianna. **NORMAL.'**_

"Do you have eggs?" I looked up to him, trying to put on my best innocent face.

"Mmmhmm. Eggs and toast?" He asked eagerly as he smiled. Everything felt even more out of place with each normal thing he did.

"Sounds good… Scrambled, please," I asked quietly.

"Sure thing babe." He turned away after letting go of my hand, and I watched him move for the fridge. Had I hallucinated everything from the day before?

"So, ma'am, what's your name? I'd hate to be so rude as to have to call you 'her' anymore." Donatello folded his paper and set it aside, giving another strange smile devoid of emotion.

"Adrianna Sylvi Bakker…" I said quietly.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Adrianna. But I suppose you already know my name, yes?" He took a sip of his coffee, and then looked to me expectantly.

"… Yes. You're Donatello. Second oldest of the Hamato brothers and the wielder of the bo staff."

_'Stop rambling!'_ He smiled wider, showing that he didn't have a mouth full of incisors, but he did certainly have fangs.

_'Why does Raphael…?'_

"That's correct. How do you know about us?" I looked him in the eyes for the first time since he scared me shitless. This close up, his emotionless black eyes were even more disturbing. There really was no line between pupil and iris – just pitch black darkness.

"You were fictional characters in my… my. Uhm, well, my original world."

"So, you are from a different universe?" I felt my consciousness pricked, from what I guess was Reds awareness of our conversation. It was an odd sensation. I turned my head to look at him standing in front of the stove, his own head so minimally turned in our direction I might have been imagining it.

"Yes."

"Interesting. How did you get here, then? Travel between the universes isn't an easy thing to accomplish," he said quietly. I moved my gaze back to him, noticing the honest interest in the black orbs. Too much interest.

"Well…" I looked down to my hands with their white-knuckle grip on the sheet. How much should I hide? What should I say?

"I think… I think I died. And someone thought I should be given another chance…" I whispered. I heard him chuckle, sitting his cup down.

"Well, I guess that's certainly one way to do it." I was too caught up in my own thoughts to respond.

_'I… I don't understand anything that's going on…'_

Raphaels gentle touch on my shoulder made me jump, and I looked up to him as he sat the plate in front of me. I noticed he was scowling at Donatello rather harshly while he took a seat to my left. It hadn't felt like our conversation had lasted that long…

"Ignore'm, Adrianna. Donnies' always an ass 'fore 10," he growled. I nodded quickly, looking to the plate and picking up the fork on it. Maybe if I just ignored the situation it would go away. I poked some of the eggs and put them in my mouth, but almost immediately regretted it. Suddenly nausea swelled, making me gag involuntarily, though I managed to suppress it.

_'Sad, really, because these eggs are good…'_

"That's not true, Raphael. I'm making perfectly civil conversation with Adrianna. She seems to be the only other intelligent person in the house; I wouldn't risk the loss of that rare gift." I looked up and he smiled seemingly sweetly down at me. I tried to smile back at him normally, though it felt like half the muscles in my face didn't work. I looked over at Raph – dammit, Red – and tried to keep the smile on my face.

"They're good." The compliment seemed to placate him, and he gave me a content grin, scooting his chair closer and wrapping his closest arm around me.

"Mm, ya don't seem ta be eat'n much." I looked down to the plate, realizing I was pushing them with my fork.

"I just feel a bit nauseous. Typically happens after I skip meals…" I put some in my mouth, swallowing before the nausea could swell again. I found it helped, so began to inhale the food, not even chewing.

"That's more like it, babe." I felt his hand give my shoulder a comforting squeeze, perhaps showing me he was pleased. I hated it when people watched me eat, and the sooner I could get it over with the happier I would be.

"Don't choke, Adrianna. You're not going to starve," Donatello said hastily, sipping his coffee again. I slowed down, noticing that most of the eggs were gone. At least I was mostly full and hadn't vomited anything. Though, the gaps in time and my own awareness where beginning to concern me.

"Didn't realize how hungry I was…" I mumbled lowly. I was grateful when Raphael pushed a glass of orange juice at me, and I picked it up and drank almost half of it in one gulp. I set the cup back down, letting it settle.

The silence grated on me in ways I can't even begin to describe.

"So… can I please have my clothes now?" I looked over to Red, trying to put on my best pleading look. Before he could answer, Donatellos voice met my ears, and I turned to meet his gaze.

"They were much too filthy to keep, Adrianna. We couldn't let you walk around covered in mud and blood."

"But I can't just go naked…" I said incredulously. Before I could turn back and try to beg for Red to get me something to wear, his beak was snuggled in my neck.

"I guess we'll have ta go shoppin'," he whispered seductively, kissing my neck afterwards for good measure. My mouth was left hanging open, trying to find some sort of reply.

"Okay." I must've been acting strange, because Donatello let out a snort. I couldn't bring myself to look at him, or even care, as Reds breath danced across my neck and collar bone, sending goose bumps across my skin.

"Ya like tha' sound of that, Babe?" The whispered words made me jerk suddenly, a strange jolt traveling down my spine. I didn't like people whispering in my ear.

"Clothes sound really good," I said, trying to turn to look at him. He nuzzled the side of my face, standing calmly.

"I'll go get my sai. Finish that for me?" I looked down to the piece of toast, then back up to his glowing sulfuric eyes.

"I will." He smiled wider, showing his mouth full of fangs.

"Thank you, Darlin'. Be right back," he said curtly, turning and moving quickly to the back of the living room, were I could barely make out large sliding doors.

"He really likes you." I looked back to the purple banded turtle, feeling the pressing urge to spit a hateful response.

_'He doesn't even know me.'_

"Really? I mean, why?" He looked to me momentarily, before rising to refill his coffee cup. His strange, dark, but not particularly deep voice reached my ears like the cautious telling of town rumor.

"He genuinely seems to enjoy who you are. He's… very selective about whom he lets inside his walls, if you know what I mean."

I waited during his pause. He was holding shit back, I could tell from the tone of his voice and the hidden smile I could feel.

"I do. That's all? He seems like a… more complex person than that." He turned partially to look at me.

"Well, he thinks you're beautiful too. No offense, but I prefer petite redheads. He says you've… got fire buried in you. That you're the one he's been waiting for," he said calmly, his eyes completely apathetic. I realized I'd never get a straight answer out of him.

"No offense taken. Everyone has their own preferences." I turned back to the toast, ripping it into little pieces.

"Intelligent with common sense. I've hit the jackpot." I gave a ghost of a smile, until I realized he probably didn't place any true meaning in any of the compliments.

"Thank you for all the indirect compliments, Donatello." He walked back by, picking up the paper.

"No need to use my full name. Call me Don. You're a part of this family now." I looked up to him mid-chew, dread settling into my stomach. The normalcy I'd managed to create shattered into a million tiny pieces I'd never get back together again.

"Um… I will. Thank you, Don." He nodded, turning for the door.

"Sorry to run but I've got samples that need to be tended and test results to analyze. Have fun shopping," he called over his shoulder.

"I'll try," I sighed, shoving the last of the toast into my mouth sullenly. I didn't want to be a part of this family. Not when everything was upside down and mangled beyond my recognition.

Now that I was full, rested, and alone, I tried to think on Raphaels behavior. Why would he force me to come here, but act as though he legitimately cared about me? Did he have some sort of mental disease?

_'And why the hell does he have a mouth full of fangs?'_

"Babe? Ya okay?" I shook my head to clear my thoughts, looking to where he was taking up the entire doorframe with this mass.

"Yeah, just… thinking," I whispered. He slowly walked toward me, and I noticed he was carrying a black leather jacket.

"S' cold outside. No way I'm lettin' ya go out without something else over ya." He waited in front of me, and I stood warily, tying the sheet at my bust, midriff, and hip in the hopes it wouldn't come loose. Turning my gaze back to him, I tried to smile as he moved to help me pull the jacket on. It was too large for me, which I expected, but it was warm and smelled just like him. It was comforting, in the worst of ways.

"Thank you, but… won't you be cold?" He gave a short chuckle, stepping back to look at me.

"It doesn't bother me," he said lightly, smiling once he'd had his fill of looking at me wearing his jacket. Must be a guy thing, because the image of him wearing anything of mine didn't make my heart tingle.

"But… you're naked, Red." The chuckle that emanated from his gut was disturbingly feral and dark.

"I've been runin' around naked my whole life, Adrianna. In worse weather, too," he said, holding his hand out to me. I just stared at it for a minute, a handful of scenarios playing out in my head, most of them gauging what he'd do if I tried to make a run for it.

I eventually, slowly walked a few steps forward and placed my hand in his. I couldn't help but notice how much difference there was in our hands as he began to clasp his much larger, stronger one around mine. He pulled me closer, taking our hands out of view as he moved to pick me up bridal style.

"Where do you wanna go?" I paused to think on the subject, my own voice filtering back into my mind.

"Um… do they have vanity, jcpennys, or kohl's…?" He immediately turned for the door, walking towards the hidden exit with purpose.

"Yep. Kohl's is closest." The sheer drop in temperature made me shiver violently as I attempted to turn into him. The smell also hit me once more, making my stomach flip dangerously.

"… do you always keep tabs on what clothing stores are closest?" I realized after the words left my mouth that he'd probably get pissed off.

The airy chuckle that left his mouth said otherwise.

"I gotta know this city like tha back of my hand. If I don't, puts me in a bad position when I'm bein' chased or when I'm tryin' ta find somebody."

I nodded, closing my eyes as the lights turned on at the end of the walkway and I could hear the water traveling at high speed.

"Hang on, babe." I moved to lock my arms around him, squeezing as tight as I could. The sudden, powerful lurch of our mass flying across the gap made adrenaline course through me. It seemed as though every time I was around him, I had a new appreciation for how powerful his body was.

And a more desperate wish the strength would never be used against me.

He moved to climb up the ladder, still holding me with one hand. While he was every bit more powerful than I would have expected Raphael to be, he lacked the grace I had assumed he would have; it obvious it had been replaced by raw power. Among the brothers, he was every bit the jaguar the leopards were not.

I was relieved when he pulled the manhole cover off, allowing me to breathe fresh air, though the wind was awful. I pulled my arms from around his neck, turning into the heat radiating from him. His plastron was like a heating pad.

"Told ya it was cold."

I shivered a little as he wrapped his arms more tightly around me.

"That you did. I probably would've frozen to death without your jacket." He jumped up to the ledge of a fire escape easily, beginning to climb up the ladder.

"Naw. I would'a found some way of keepin' ya warm," he chuckled, nuzzling me again. If he kept snuggling me, I would have a complete mental breakdown. I struggled to find something to say to keep the conversation as non-sexual as possible.

"I'm sure we'd both make it," I mumbled. He chuckled, reaching the rooftop. Even if he tried to continue the conversation, I'm not sure that I would've heard it over the screaming city and the howling wind. Before I could ask him how he stood it, he was running, and if I didn't know better I'd say we'd grown wings and were flying.

_'I would love to know how much he could leg press.'_

The fresh air did wonders for my spirit, even though this whole universe, dimension, whatever it was, seemed to be filled with a sort of intangible darkness. The sky was a dull shade of blue-black, the moon more grey than white. The buildings all seemed old and dirty, practically identical. There were screams and yelling everywhere, sirens in several different directions. I'm fairly sure I could hear a fire alarm somewhere. It was easy enough to focus on the passing scenery and forget the problems at hand.

He slowed down considerably after a bit, coming to halt. I wrapped my arms around his neck once more, turning to glance over the edge of the building. A large, one-level, closed Khols was in front of us.

"It's closed? What time is it?"

"Of course. Don't exactly think they'd take too kindly to a giant turtle carrying a naked woman walking into the store." He started his decent down yet another fire escape, letting me hold some of my own weight.

_'I would think they'd take it better than burglary… what about the security cameras?'_

I didn't have much time to think about it, as he was already at the back of the store before I could make a moral plea. He moved more slowly, setting me on a set of stairs. It was freezing cold, and I couldn't stop the shivers that wracked me. I looked up to him, partially stunned at how handsome he looked under the streetlamps, the gritty backdrop seeming to fade to nothing behind the intensity of his eyes.

"I know babe. Jus' hold on a minute, gotta make sure it's safe for ya." He was gone in the blink of an eye.

"Maybe you do legitimately care about me…"I whispered, lifting my feet off the freezing concrete and wrapping my arms around my shivering body. Stuffing my face in the jacket, I tried to keep my heart open to the possibility there was something wrong with him he couldn't control. Maybe he wasn't actually bad. Maybe he detests the things his brothers do, but he still loves him.

If that was true, why did he take me against my will?

_'Like I really struggled a whole lot…'_

The sound of the door opening behind me made me unfold, his arms picking me up once again a relief from the concrete sucking the warmth out of my backside. He took me in, and the heat was warming in more than a physical sense, though the quietness and stillness of the place was strange. He paused, turning some of the lights on from the back. We walked through the employees door, and my eyes quickly adjusted to the dim lights.

"They better have something I like," I said lowly. Raphael let me down slowly, keeping his right hand on the small of my back.

"I thought women liked going shopping?" I sighed a bit, walking forward.

"They do if they're anorexic. The clothes I like aren't made to fit people like me." I could feel him shadowing my every move.

"People like you?" I stopped in front of a rack, beginning to rifle through the shirts.

"Girls with hips, thick thighs, and breasts - curvy figures. The stuff is made for stick figures." I felt his hands wrap around my waist, rubbing small circles into my skin.

"Ya looked great last night without anythin' on…" he whispered in my ear, making me shiver yet again, for an entirely different reason. I struggled to respond, my body freezing.

"Uh…" I could feel him smile, loosely wrapping his right arm around me.

"Thank you… but you wouldn't want anyone else to see me naked, would you?" He licked the outer shell, kissing it afterward.

"Never." I went back to flipping through the clothes a bit too fast. I pulled out a grunge tee, holding it out.

"Do you like this one?" He turned, looking at it.

"Yeah. I'd like it more if tha yellow was a different color…"

"Me too." I put it back, pulling out a long sleeved red and black scoopneck tee.

"I like this one. Will you hold it?" I turned partially toward him, and before I could put any sugar on it he'd taken the shirt from me.

"'Course, babe."

It was strangely heartwarming that he was so eager to please me.

_'Then again, does he really have a choice if he wants me to be completely compliant? Is that what he wants?'_

I picked out several shirts and jeans, enough so that he was having a hard time carrying all of them. He patiently followed me, giving his honest opinion of each of them, telling me when he particularly liked some or thought it would good on me. I eventually moved for the dressing rooms, pausing in front of them when I heard him sit the clothes down on something. I went to turn, but he was already pressed up against me, his plastron to my back, before I could look for him.

"Nobody's here, babe. I took care of the cameras, nobody can see ya… s' just us." I looked forward, gazing to him in the mirror. He must've seen or smelt my fear. I didn't want to be naked in front of anyone, let alone any Raphael, no matter how much I might like him or any incarnation thereof. A blush spread over my face like fire, realizing that he was the only person who had seen me so exposed.

"C'mon.  Yer not gonna make me stand 'ere naked alone, are ya?" he ever so gently pulled the jacket away from my shoulders, throwing it to the side without even looking where it landed. I feared angering him, but then again…

"I… I don't like looking at myself naked, Raph." He gave me a strange look, wrapping his arms around me.

"Why?" I sighed.

"Why not? It's not like I'm the sort of girl they'd put in playboy." He frowned, nuzzling my neck and tugging on the sheet.

"I dun' care what anyone else would do, darlin'.  I think yer gorgeous, and knowin' that yer keepin' that body covered up hurts me," he said weakly, feigning his desperation. I couldn't help but look away to cover my smile at his antics, half heartedly trying to push his hands away. He sighed.

"If I didn't like lookin' at yer body, would I ask to see it?" I gazed back to him, my blush intensifying.

"… no," I said sullenly. He smiled, kissing my neck chastely.

"Please?" he pulled the bottom knot loose, but kept the fabric from falling away. I couldn't help but think about the fact that he was asking for permission – _being bold about it_ – but asking instead of forcing me. My heart was torn, my head screaming in two different dialects.

On screamed 'How could you pass this up? How many times did you wish for something similar?!' The other screamed 'How could you even think of giving this monster what he wants?'

I sighed heavily, turning my face to the side, closing my eyes. I would rather accept this fate willingly and try to suck some sort of enjoyment out of it, then go the hard way and suffer not only the physical harm but the emotional trauma.

How things had changed.

"Okay." He rumbled almost instantaneously, untying the remaining two knots, letting the material fall. His deep throated churr made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I felt his hands settle on the stop of my thighs, running up my body, eventually moving to throw my arms over my head.

"Babe, look. Fer me," he whispered, and I did as he asked. He looked at me in the mirror, his gaze finally settling on my eyes.

"Yer beautiful," he told me yet again, moving to kiss my neck tenderly. I gave a small gasp, his tongue on my neck not exactly something I wanted to feel right now. Particularly in the middle of a Khols he broke into, standing naked in front of mirrors.

He gave a gentle nip, then slowly moved back, giving a last look at the mirror before he retrieved the first items for me. He helped me slip the dark stonewash jeans on, then surveyed me in the mirror as I slipped the graphic tee on.

"I like the jeans. They accentuate yer hips," he said airily, still viewing me. The 4 syllable word slightly shocked me for some reason.

"I like them too. How about the shirt?" His face contorted.

"Feh." I nodded.

"Yeah. Wanna get a new outfit?" I slowly pulled the clothes off, throwing the keeper jeans to the floor on the right, the shirt to the left. I tried to keep my body covered, gratefully putting on the new clothes he gave me.

The cycle continued for some time, but I found that I hardly thought about what I was doing.

_'He wants me to consent? But why would I need to know him to do that. I mean, that doesn't make any damn sense. But…'_

He pulled me out of my reverie by smoothing my hair out of my face, making me forget my train of thought.

"That's the last one. I like both of those on ya," he said quietly. I looked down, a sudden thought coming to me. I pulled the sheet out, setting the clothes in the keeper pile in it, gathering it together and handing it to him.

"Okay. Now I need to get some footwear, sleepwear, and undies." He looked at me sharply.

"An' why do ya need any'f those last items?" I looked up to him, wracking my brain for something to say.

"Uh, well… I don't want any of the others to get ideas. To think I'm open for a turtle foursome or anything," I said shakily, looking to him expectantly. A resigned acceptance seemed to filter through him, and I noticed his shoulders tensed.

"Yeah." I smiled, turning and walking toward the intimates.

"You can help me pick them out," I said quietly, hoping to encourage him into thinking it was a good thing. I heard him following me, looking over my shoulder as I rifled through the hipsters.

"I like these." I held up the red material with black lace, and the other black material with red ruffles and bows.

"Cute, darlin'. 'Bout these?" He picked up a pair that were black with pinstripes, with black laced edging.

"I like them. But they're a size too small. Here," I picked up another pair and handed him the other two. He chucked suddenly, and I looked at him.

"How 'bout those green ones?" I looked to a pair of deep emerald green ones, and picked them up. I couldn't help but laugh a little.

"We'll match now," I said lightly. He laughed honestly, and it was nice to lighten the atmosphere up. I passed those to him, and grabbed a few more pairs in plain black, grey, and one with cherries on it.

"Okay, now a few bras." I turned towards the wracks, rifling through them.

"What about this?" I looked over to the piece of clothing. The red demi-cup was a bit too small.

"It's only a C cup, and not wide enough. But I like it. This one," I grabbed a bigger one, handing it to him. I looked through the next rack, picking out two push-ups in black and cream lace, then a grey no-wire, handing them to him.

"Some sleepwear…" I walked over, rifling through the clothes. I felt his plastron press against my back slightly, but his prescence seemded to be one more of comfort than sexuality. Finally.

I pulled out a black lace baby doll, showing him.

"Like it? And the maroon one?" I pulled it out too.

"Yeah." I handed them to him, and then walked over to the PJ's. I pulled out set of silkie black pants and baggy cami with white antique designs.

"Not bad, doll. Found another short one ya might like," I looked at the navy blue baby doll, reaching out to feel the warm, fuzzy texture.

"I like it." I handed him the pj's, walking over and throwing him a few socks, keeping a pair. Seeing him carrying the clothes filled sheet like a bag was actually a little funny.

"A few pairs of shoes. Oh, and a jacket." I walked over to the shoe department, quickly looking through the shoes, sitting down and trying on a pair of low-heeled black riding boots with lots of buckles. Satisfied with the fit, I took them out of the box and handed them to him, watching him stuff them in the bag before turning, and trying on a pair of flip flops. I handed those to him as well, walking over to the tennis shoes and slipping on a pair. I didn't enjoy tennis shoes, but I rationed that if some shit went down, it'd be best to have a good pair of running shoes. I liked them, and kept them on. I stood up, walking back to the womens, picking up a black medium length coat lined with fur, slipping it on over the long sleeved black v-neck with grunge shirt. I zipped it up, looking to where he stood in front of me, holding the "sack".

"I think all I really need now are some toiletries and things like that… I'd say go to Walmart, but it's not like those ever close." He looked at me sweetly, smiling crookedly.

"S' fine. You can go in, and I'll be waiting for ya back near the garden stuff." I nodded, taking the "sack" from him so he could pick me up.

"Is your jacket in here?" I looked up to him, wondering if I'd offended him by not wearing it.

"Yeah babe. Ready?" I nodded. He walked out of the building in silence, and I laid my head on his shoulder. Using the same fire escape, he rose to the rooftops.

I hummed the pans labyrinth lullaby as he leapt from roof to roof, watching the dull scenery pass me. It again wasn't long before we slowed, but he wasted no time getting to the ground. I noticed he was a bit sneaky, and looked up to see that we were at the back of a Walmart.

"Alright babe. Go this way," he said, setting me down gently then taking the makeshift sack from me.

"An' come back out this way through the garden shit. Just walk on out when you get back here… I'll take care'f everythin'." I nodded, looking up to him.

"Okay. I'll be back in a minute," I said. I turned, trying to calm my nerves.

_'I can't believe I'm about to break the law.'_   



	5. 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a note: This story was written some time ago and hasn't been updated in months. While I am slowly but surely starting to write again, updates only come during periods where I can handle the general stress of my life. CC is always welcome and I hope to have the next update up soon :D

I walked into the garden department slowly, trying to breathe evenly, keeping my movements as smooth as I could.    
  
 _'My god. What if I just tell someone? Ask someone to call 911?'_ I started to breathe irregularly, and jumped out of my skin when the woman behind the lone counter spoke to me.  
  
"Girl, are you okay?" I looked to the middle aged colored woman, and smiled weakly.   
  
"Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you… I, I just need to go to the bathroom." She looked at me   
warily.  
  
"Okay honey." She turned back to the cash register, and I started to power walk to the nearest bathroom. The bright lights of the store seemed to blind me, and I did everything in my power to not look anyone in the eye. It all felt wrong, the people in the store stared at me like I didn't belong.   
  
_'I don't belong here.'_  
  
I practically ran to the back of the store, sighing with relief when the family bathroom was unoccupied. I opened the door, flipping on the lights and turned the lock once the door was securely shut. I fell against a corner, turning and sliding down against the wall, holding my head in my hands. I tried several times to breathe right, but as much as I tried, I couldn't stop gasping for air.  
  
 _'It's okay, I'll just go find a store worker, and tell them to call 911. Right? I can do that.'_  
  
I tried to gather the courage, but then a sudden realization hit me.  
  
What if all these memories weren't real? What if they were just some sort of crutch so I wouldn't completely go off the deep end?  
  
 _'Oh my god. What if I never existed? I don't have a social security number, no birth certificate… I don't exist. I probably don't fucking exist!'_ My breathing accelerated again, and tears started to stream down my face.   
  
_'That's why I can't see the faces of any of those "people". Because they don't exist.'_ I pulled my legs against my chest, wrapping my arms around them.   
  
_'What if I upset who sent me here? I ask to be with the ninja turtles… I got what I wanted. What if they punish me? What if Red finds out? Will he punish me?'_  
I started to sob as I realized if Raphael found out, he just might flip his lid. I could be wrong. What if he tortured me? Brutalized me? What if he really is evil and is just mind fucking me?  
  
 _'It doesn't matter. Even if I do get away, what will they do when they figure out I don't have any identification? If I run, and make it, how will I survive?'_ I eventually stopped crying, but my breaths were still heavy and erratic. I took a few moments to try and calm down. I realized that I would much rather give myself to Raphael, than be used as someone else's whore… or worse.   
  
_'I won't. I need him…'_   all my life, I had pushed away people, I had leaned on myself so nobody could hurt me. But I was in a place where I shouldn't exist, in a city I didn't know, in a world I didn't understand.  
  
I closed my eyes, pushing myself to stand. After a few moments just breathing, I gazed around the room, looking at nothing in particular. The dull walls, the dirty floor, they were both the same to me. I wiped my eyes and face, trying to erase the evidence of my moment of weakness. If I was going to survive and hope that anything would be left of me, I would have to buck up.  
  
"I can do this."   
  
I turned, unlocking the door, and walked out of the bathroom quickly. I felt the stares of the staff behind the counter in front of me but I ignored them. I resigned myself to the task at hand, but tried to remain calm, shoving my hands in my pockets, settling my eyes forward, and making sure they were low enough I wouldn't have to look at anyone.   
  
I walked past the electronics, the home goods, and the toys, coming upon the toiletries.    
  
 _'Okay… just be calm. I'm going to be there a while, assumingly… just get the normal stuff. Normal. Be normal.'_  
  
I walked down the last isle, smiling when the travel bags were in front of me.  
  
 _'I find it odd the layout of this Walmart is just like the one at home….'_ At the thought of home, my heart lurched painfully.   
  
Best not think of it.  
  
I grabbed a large black one with zebra stripes and unzipped it, taking out the stuffing and setting it down on the shelf where I picked up the bag. I hated zebra stripes, but it was better than anything with pink on it, which most of the other bags had. I turned and walked back up the aisle, pausing to grab a small personal care bag with nail supplies and tweezers. Moving on, I stopped in front of the hair care, grabbing 3 packs of ouchless hair bands, a bristle and paddle brush, and 3 different head bands.  
  
I spent a few minutes picking out a decent hair dryer and flat iron.   
  
_'Just take your time. He's not gonna freeze to death. What if he doesn't leave you alone after this?'_  
  
Finished there, I went to the next aisle.   
  
I rifled through the deodorants, settling on Secret clear gel in Mystic Melon and Tropical. Throwing them in, I went farther down the aisle, picking up a pack of disposable razors and 2 bottles of sensitive skin Nair.  
  
 _'I hate hair.'_  
  
I started to go for the next isle, pausing to grab a box of pads and tampons.   
Mother nature would _**not**_ catch me unprepared.   
  
Satisfied, I walked on. I spent a moment, picking out my Aussie hair spray and detangler, then choosing some John Freda brunette shampoo and Herbal Essences for long hair. I turned around, looking through the body washes, settling on Caress Tahitian renewal and Scarlet Blossom.   
  
I went down the next isle, picking up a toothbrush and my toothpaste, grabbing a box of floss. I went to turn, nearly bumping into a woman.  
  
"I'm sorry," I said hastily, looking to her quickly.  She was shorter than me, blonde and stick thin. Her dull blue eyes narrowed suspiciously at me.   
  
_'How can they all tell I don't belong?'_  
  
"Watch where you're going," she spat, walking around me. I turned and walked of, not giving it too much time for thought. It didn't matter. Karma was always a bitch.  
  
I paused on the way to the cosmetics, grabbing a tub of lip balm. I moved on, trying to move a bit faster. It was nice enough to spend time away from him but somehow, he made me feel safer than these people.  
  
I paused at the makeup. I didn't enjoy applying makeup, never had.   
  
_'It might make me feel better about myself…'_  
  
I picked out the basics, mineral foundation, black liner and mascara, a few different shades of shadow in smokey colors. I walked on to the last aisle, picking up a bottle of astringent, some cleaning pads, and two different lotions. I turned to the opposite side, looking through the fragrances.  
  
 _'Don't have shit I want… I should've known not to get hooked on the bath and body stuff.'_  
  
I picked up some brown sugar and caramel scent to pull me through, and something else that claimed to smell like passion fruit and pomegranate. I paused, thinking over everything I'd gotten. I turned back around, finding some of that awesome stuff I used when my skin got irritated from shaving.   
  
_'Okay. I can do this. I can do this.'_  
  
I breathed in an out a few times, zipping the bag up. It was a big bag, but my stuff barely fit in it.   
  
_'The stuff I'm about to shoplift.'_  
I turned, walking out of the isle, trying not to look suspicious. Power walking, I approached the back of the store, looking to the counter.  
  
The woman was gone, and so were the two large, grey, theft detectors. I almost paused, but looked away and started to power walk again.   
  
_'I don't know where she went. I'm not going to look.'_  
  
I heaved a large sigh, trying to keep my shit together. I smiled at the couple who walked through the chain link gates, noting that they smiled back.  I turned the corner after I got out, taking a deep lung full of the cold air in. Scanning the area for Red, I shoved my unoccupied hand in the pocket of the jacket and dunked my head closer to the collar, trying to save some warmth.  
  
As I neared the back of the store, I watched him step out of the darkness. It was an odd thing to see; like he just materialized out of thin air.   
  
"Ya get everythin'?" I looked up to his eyes, trying to smile a bit.   
  
"I think so. I guess I'm ready," I sighed. He looked at me up and down, handing me the sheet-sack, picking me up swiftly as soon as I'd taken it. I rearranged their places so I could hold them comfortably.  
  
"Lets go home, babe." I nodded a bit. I felt no need to look at the depressing city anymore, so I stared at the sky instead. It wasn't much better. The silver-gray smog covered the sky, obscuring even the sparse clouds I could barely make out, rendering all but the moon invisible. How I missed the stars. When I was young, I would often wish on them, looking for the brightest one, thinking the biggest stars could hear my wishes better.  
  
What do you wish on when all the stars are gone?  
  
I tried to keep a tighter grip on the things. The ride was a little jerky, and the thought that there wasn't a seatbelt was terrifying.  
  
'Don't his arms count as a seatbelt?' Maybe.   
  
It wasn't long until the sky was replaced by the buildings around us. When he squatted, pulling the manhole cover off, I began to fidget. He got to the bottom without a problem, but the thought of him jumping over that sewer-moat and me having no arms to hold on to him with was a bit terrifying.   
  
"Darlin', I've got ya. Yer not goin' anywhere." I tried to hide my face against him, nodding desperately. The familiar lurch sent us flying, and I took a breath of the putrid air when his feet landed solidly on the other side.  
  
"I fucking hate that," I mumbled against him. He squeezed me a little, walking forward.  
  
"I know. I'll take ya tha long way out next time." I heard the door open, but kept my face against his plastron. I had no desire to even look at the other turtles right now.   
  
Perhaps if I could just pretend they didn't exist, I wouldn't need to worry about them.   
  
Surprisingly, I didn't hear any of them as he ascended the stairs quickly, opening the door to his room and closing it behind us.  He sat me down, taking a step back as I set the clothes sack and bag down. Unzipping the jacket, I shrugged it off onto the bed and bent to rip the tennis shoes off my feet, setting them aside. I felt his hand wrap around my left one, and I turned to gaze up at him in the warm light.   
  
I smiled warmly, hoping it would keep him in a good mood. A wild grin spread across his face,   
and he moved to embrace me gently, pulling me forward until we were touching. I gripped his biceps, gazing back at him, feeling the heat pour into the small of my back from his hands.  
  
I hated how he made me feel. Safe, and warm, and just fine when I wasn't. And he smelled so damn good. His grin widened suddenly, and he was bending down until we were close enough to breathe the same breath.  
  
And I was suddenly terrified again, my heart in my head and my brain in my feet, and I could see the intent in his eyes, that gleam.  
  
 _'Just lean away, say no, smack him in the face! Smack him!'_ but no matter what my mind said, I just stood there, staring into his eyes. Before I could even think anything else, I'd closed my eyes and his lips were on mine. He tried to coax me into action, kissing me with so much want I couldn't help but whimper.  
  
 _'Isn't it better to enjoy what you can, live with what you can't?'_ some part of me asked.   
  
_**Yes**_ , I told myself.  
  
I kissed back, slipping my hands up his arms and around his neck, gasping when I felt him lick my bottom lip. He took it as permission granted, slipping his tongue into my mouth, cradling my head as he plundered me.  
  
I wish I could say some part of me didn't enjoy it…  
  
But if felt so good to be _wanted._  
  
I didn't know how much time had passed when he pulled away, and I opened my eyes to look up at him. He smiled senselessly down at me, until he noticed something.  
  
"Sorry babe," my eyes squinted in confusion until I felt the blood run down my chin and my lip throbbing. He ducked his head, licking the blood away, and sucked on my lip, making it an excuse to kiss me again.  
  
"Raphael, there's time to copulate later! I don't have a sparring partner!" Donnie yelled from downstairs, making me jerk back. He growled, pulling away, still holding on to me.  
  
"I don' mean ta run off, but we usually train 'bout this time." I nodded a few times looking at him still.   
  
"It's okay. I can just put my stuff away, if you don't mind me ruffling through your room…" a strange look passed over his face, and he gripped my waist oddly.   
  
"S'not my room no more. It's our room, darlin'." My eyes widened, and I could feel the heat of a blush spreading over my face without warning. I looked down, trying to keep him from seeing it. Not being able to think of a response, I just nodded my head dumbly.  
I felt his hand slip back around me to lift my chin up, making me look at him again.   
  
"S'wrong?" I looked down a minute, not knowing how to say it. Not wanting him to know.  
  
"It's just… I've never been a part of an 'us'. It's… um, nice." _And strange, and wrong, and completely fucked up_ , my mind whispered.  
  
He smiled again, ducking his head to kiss me in what I suspected was his version of "chastely".   
  
"Oh, it'll get better, I promise. I'll be back in a bit… you can come down an' watch us when yer finished, if ya want." I lifted my gaze, nodding.  
  
"I will," I said quietly.   
  
"Raphael, we're going to be here all night! There's time later!" The turtle in question growled lowly, pulling away from me and walking toward the door opening it angrily, stepping through the threshold.   
  
"Goddamnit Donatello, I'm fuckin' comin'!" he closed the door behind him a bit roughly, making the brick walls carry the sound throughout the room.   
  
I sighed shakily, reaching up to touch my lips, the open wound screaming angrily at me.  
  
'Well, there goes my first kiss. Not exactly how I imagined it going…'  
  
I turned around to look at 'our' bedroom in more detail. Against the wall to my left, there was a large and dark sleigh bed – maybe a king? – and two large nightstands to each side, a dark (if not black) wood. Directly across from it, there was a very large dark cherry dresser, with some things scattered across the top – an iPod, headphones, an odd looking phone, some sort of strange tool, and what appeared to be an old mask which had been stained by oil. Against the farthest wall of the room, there was a floor lamp, modern in design, in the middle; a pull-up bar and a few weights in one corner, a hammock in the other. For some reason, it made me smile.   
  
I turned, grabbing the two bags, and walked toward the dresser. Setting them down, I opened the first drawer hesitantly, ever so slightly afraid of the things I might find hidden. I closed my eyes, pulling it out fully, then opened them.  
  
Inside was what I immediately recognized to be a blade sharpening and maintenance kit. There were also other weapons; quite a few typical shuriken, what looked to be his old/first sai, and a few sharp knives and daggers, not to mention a spring assisted stiletto. A few tools I didn't recognized where scattered around the drawer as well. I closed it, and feeling safer from not finding anything rated NC-17, I opened the next drawer with gusto.   
  
I firstly noticed 2 sets of pads, a smaller set I assumed to be his first and a larger pair I figured would fit him now. There was a mask which had the longer twirly bits cut off, and a very small one, I figured his first. I could help but smile and touch it, wondering how he had ever been that small. I closed this drawer as well, moving on to the next.   
  
Of course, I couldn't expect to be safe forever. I stared at the handcuffs for some time, cocking my head to the side as I also gazed at the lube. I shoved the drawer shut as fast as I could, moving to the next with hesitance.   
  
'At least I didn't stumble across his porn collection…'  
  
I opened this one a bit more slowly, noting that it was empty. I looked below, opening the last one as well, seeing it was also empty. I opened the makeshift bag, rifling through the clothes. I looked at the shirts and jeans, wanting to cut the tags off. I looked over to the night stands, wondering if there might be scissors in them.   
  
Of course, it might also have had something to do with the fact I wanted to snoop.  
I turned, walking to the one closest to the door. There was only one drawer at the top of these, the bottom open for storage. I stood in front of it, eyeing it with hesitation, but opened the drawer none the less.  
  
Inside was a menagerie of things. The first thing I noticed was a bottle opener, yet another knife, along with a huge assortment of odds and ends, mainly screws and whatnot.   
  
Men.   
  
However, no scissors. I closed the drawer, sighing, and walked around the bed to the other, opening it as well. A single, lone vial of lube stared back at me. I shoved it closed so fast I heard the lube hit the back of the drawer, and skipped away from it back to the dresser. I opened the first drawer again, picking up a knife and opening it. I tested the blade; really, _really_ fucking sharp.  
  
I sat on the floor, taking each of the clothes, cutting off the tags and ripping off the stickers. I set the shirts and jeans in the top drawer, then the undies, socks, and sleepwear in the bottom, except for one bra which I put on gratefully. I set the shoes beside the dresser, and turning to my toiletries bag I looked at the zebra stripes with distaste as I unzipped it. I took out the hair dryer and flat iron, opening them and sitting them beside my nighties in the bottom drawer, closing it. I dumped the stuff out on the floor, opening all of the stuff and organizing it back into the bag when it was ready.   
  
I sat back, surveying all the trash on the floor. I got up, wrangling the tennis shoes over with the other shoes, put the knife back, and hung my jacket on the corner of the bed. I went over to the sheet on the floor, looking at his jacket. Not exactly sure where he put it, I opened the second drawer of the dresser and made room. I grabbed the toiletries bag and the trash, walking to the door and opening it slowly.  
  
Looking around, I heard quite a bit of noise from the unknown room, but no turtles in the main living area. I went down the stairs quietly, stopping in the kitchen to try and find the trash can. I did easily, and once it was out of my hands I went to the bathroom. I kneeled, opening one of the doors to the counter, looking around at the misc. bathroom stuff. The normality of it all made me ill. I put my bag over to the side, hoping it wouldn't be too conspicuous. I opened it, taking out a brush and hair band, putting my hair up quickly. I'd had enough of looking like a cavewoman.  
  
My mind traveled as I was trying to get it up into the bun, but I remembered that I told him I could come watch him train.  
  
And I didn't want to upset him.  
  
I put the brush back, closing the cabinet door, walking out of the bathroom. I stopped to look at the living room; there was a huge TV to the furthest wall, several chairs and couch in front of it, random items strewn about the space. To each side of the TV was a staircase, leading to two doors on the top level they created. There was a bookcase underneath the stairs leading to Raphaels bedroom, and a room to the side of them. I looked down from the bathroom, noticing a mirror image of the other side of the room. On either side of the stairs behind the TV was a door; to the right, the door was metal, and to the left, it was one of those strange oriental paper doors. I realized the only thing like the other lairs I had seen was the largeness of it.  
  
 _'I suppose it's obvious which the lab is and which the dojo is …'_  
  
I could hear ninja-esque noises coming from the paper door, so I walked to it slowly, suddenly nervous as hell. Why did I say yes? Being in the same room with 4 huge, dark, scary Hamato brothers who are trying to concentrate whilst carrying weapons isn't exactly my birthday wish.  
  
 _'Too late, Adrianna. You're the stupid bitch who said you'd come watch.'_  
  
I stood in front of the doors, trying to figure out how the stupid things worked. I barely touched them, trying to slide them, making a face when they didn't budge.   
  
"Other way, babe." Damn it!  
  
I slid the door open, trying to make as little noise as possible. I stepped inside the candle lit room, looking to the brothers standing inside.  
  
There was various pieces of what I supposed was training equipment scattered around the very large room, framing the main floor and meditation area to the far wall. I looked to the four brothers, who had paused and were staring at me. I turned again, closing the door, then looked to them again, trying desperately not to blush or fidget. Donatellos face was devoid of emotion, Raphael looked happy to see me. With horror I noticed so did Michelangelo, but the look in Leo's eyes told me he was quite pissed.  
  
"Raph invited me to come watch." I looked to him and he smiled, holding his hand out to me. I kept my eyes on him, walking forward. He took my hand, leading me over to the meditation area.   
  
"Do you really think it's a smart idea to distract yourself during training, Raphael?" As we got to it, I felt more than heard him growl lowly.   
  
"Unless she starts makin' obscene gestures, there won' be any damn distraction. Mind yer own damn business." He turned to sit me on one of the cushions, and I complied easily.   
  
"Ah, come on Leo. She just came to enjoy the show," Mike said lasciviously. Raphael began to walk back toward the group of brothers. Well, it was more of a confident amble.   
  
"Me wipin' the floor with yer faces will be a show," he chuckled. Michelangelos face contorted into a sour expression, and Leonardo seemed to fall into a deeper state of anger, which was more evident by the tinge in the air than his face. However, Donatellos expression didn't falter.  
  
"All is well in the Hamato household," he said lightly, falling into what I could only guess was a defensive stance as Raphael approached him.   
  
My own face contorted in confusion. It was obvious that Raphael was the most powerful, that couldn't even be contested; however, I knew he most likely wasn't the fastest, to most agile, or the smartest. Hell, I knew that last one. And whether he had the most endurance was yet to be seen.   
  
I knew from my limited experience that Sai and Bo staffs were matched together when doing katas. I watched Red and Don practice them for a bit, though some of the moves were so fast they barely registered. The longer they practiced the moves, the faster and more powerful their movements became.  
  
But as they started to truly practice fighting, I watched them all carefully. I noticed that every bit, they would switch partners. And I didn't know if it was to keep themselves up to par with different fighting styles and weapons, or so that nobody had to fight Raphael for very long.  
  
I couldn't begin to describe Raphael in motion during a fight; it was like he was a completely different creature. Like he knew every move before any of the brothers made them, as if it was actually boring him to fight. Everything he done was done with a sort of raw power, a kind of primordial strength in its most wild state. It's the sort of thing that makes you lightheaded when you watch it.  
  
I won't lie, it was exciting to watch all of them. Leonardo possessed a grace and poise that none of the rest of them did; Michelangelo was wickedly fast and agile; Donatello struck me as the opportune and calculating hunter ready for you to fall in his snare, and his upper body strength was amazing for him to be one of the smaller brothers. However, for some reason it just didn't have the same sort of impact that Raphael did. It felt not unlike watching a feral animal standing over its kill, snapping the bones like toothpicks as it displays its power. All the while it growls and looks you in the eye, and you are caught in the trap.  
  
I noticed the brothers took care, from what I could see, not to anger or upset Red in any fashion. I couldn't help but to imagine all the reasons why. My warning bells started to go off again, screaming 'mayday', and the feeling that I had been right in the beginning crept over me.  
  
  
 _'Maybe there really is a monster lurking beneath calm waters…'_


End file.
